As Much As You Wanted That Breath

Adapted from one of Charles Berner's lectures:

Once there was a monk who had a master. And he’d been with him for two or three years, trying to get enlightened, and he wasn’t making it. So he said, “Oh master”, as they were going for a walk one day, “please tell me what I’m doing wrong? I’ve followed everything you said, and I still haven’t gotten enlightened. What should I do?” The master didn’t say a thing, he just kept on walking.

And after awhile they came to a stream, and they began to ford the stream. They got about halfway across, and suddenly the master stopped. The student thought, “Aha, I’m going to get a lesson, I know it. He’s going to teach me something. I know him.” And sure enough the master looked right at him, grabbed him around the neck and stuck his head under the water. “Huh? See? I knew it, he’s going to enlighten me thought the monk. So the monk is underneath the water waiting for the enlightenment experience. And he waits a little bit more, but nothing’s happening except he is getting a little bit short on breath. And he thinks, “Well, now, I have confidence in my teacher, and I know he’s going to get me enlightened, so I’m just not going to show any signs of strain here; and so I’ll just endure.” And so he’s under the water enduring.

The master still has him by the neck. Pretty soon, he really starts to get into trouble. “This is serious. I’m hurting. I could drown under here!” The master just holds him under the water.
“Well,” he thinks, “I don’t think my master understands my situation, so I better let a few bubbles up to let him know that I’m in trouble.” So he lets up a few bubbles, but the master just holds him right under the water and doesn’t budge an inch. The monk thinks, “Well, I don’t think he got it.” So he goes “bruummph”, and all the air comes up and he wiggles a little bit. And the master just holds him underneath.

The monk begins to think, “You know, I’m not so sure about my master. I don’t know if he knows what he’s doing.” The master keeps holding him under the water. He thinks, “I gotta get out of here, I gotta get out of here!” So he starts to really wiggle and struggle. The master just holds him firmer than ever underneath the water. He thinks, “You know, I think that guy’s a little batty! My master’s a nut! I always saw those little traits about him. I’m getting out of here. I don’t care what he says. Lesson or no lesson, I’m coming up.” So with all his might, he goes “Uggggh!” And the master, with superhuman strength, holds him there, locked. The monk thinks, “Well, I guess I’m going to die. I can’t get up. He’s got more strength than I’ve got. He’s got me in a hold. I’ve trusted him and he’s betrayed me completely, and I’m going to die.”

And so he starts to just let go. At that moment, the master hauls him out of the water, and he gasps for air: “AHHHHHH,” and the master says, “Now, when you want to get enlightened as much as you wanted that breath, you’ll make it.”